Tag: resistance

Wandering

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We are typically busy when we do not know where we are headed.

And I am not talking about the type of busy that involves doing work, but rather the type that makes our head hurt, that keeps us awake at night, that makes us nervous and anxious, that flattens everything into a state of urgency, that leaves us moving from one thing to the next.

This type of busy that is wandering.

Having a purpose will not allow you to be busy. You perfectly know what matters and what does not, what will take you closer and what will delay your arrival, what is an investment of resources and what is a drain.

Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have twenty-four hour days.

Zig Ziglar

The third reason

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What is the third reason why someone does something?

The first reason is almost instinctive. It is generally about us.

The second reason is a mirror. We often make it about them.

The third reason might open up some empathy, as it has the power to be about the context.

This is how it goes.

A colleague does not answer your email requesting help.

The first reason: they do not want to help me.

The second reason: they are selfish and only care about their work.

The third reason: it is the end of the quarter, they might be busy.

Another example.

A company is not coming back to you regarding your application.

The first reason: they have rejected me.

The second reason: their HR is lazy and unprofessional.

The third reason: they have a recruitment policy in place and they are simply following it.

Thinking through the third reason makes two things possible: it moves us from a natural tendency to look at the world as if we were at the centre of it, and it builds some rules that are actually applicable to everyone. It allows more compassion for others and for ourselves. It unloads us of a burden.

Make an effort to get to the third reason. After a while, that will become your new nature.

Your loss

FabrizioLeave a comment

Writing things down, making a public commitment, pinning an item on the calendar.

To some these actions mean being one step farther to actually doing.

It is a form of resistance. It does not matter if we are in charge or if someone else is in charge. The very same moment we are saying “I am going to do it”, an almost unconscious reaction is triggered that goes the opposite way: “I am not going to do it”.

The only cure is to deeply understand that no one cares.

Your boss might be disappointed, they will still be your boss. Your company might lose some money, they will most likely survive. Your friends are going to stop relying on you, and go find other friends. Your project will probably be delayed, and your audience is going to seek something else to give attention to.

The only one person who has deeply to lose from this behavior is you.

Raising the bar

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Why would I?

Wear a mask.

Commit to that project.

Take the first step to mend a relationship.

Respect the rules.

Be kind to others.

Pay taxes.

Give back to the community.

Sit down and just listen.

Not lie.

When nobody else is doing it?

It is a way of hiding that lowers the bar. In your family, your company, your circle, your life. Chances are that nobody is acting out of habit, ignorance, laziness. Perhaps all they need is somebody who shows them a different way.

That somebody could be you.

Three items

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If you draft a list of what is important and you end up with more than three items, that is just a to-do list.

You can focus on one item at any single time, and you can allow one or two more for when that single, most important one is giving you a break. That is it. Anything that you add on top of that is just confusion and distraction, sucking up energies and resources that you could otherwise invest delivering against what is important.

You pick the items on that list. But make it so they are no more than three.