When you are tired of an exchange – with a colleague, your partner, a friend, your kid – it’s ok to be the one stopping it.
We always want to win, but sometimes, oftentimes, sending the ball back to the opposite side of the court is just not worth it. Grab the ball, say that you are sorry, and move on.
Almost nothing in life is a battle with winners and losers. Renouncing is a viable option.
It’s not imperative that you are involved in everything.
It’s not imperative that you understand everything.
It’s not imperative that you check everything.
It’s not imperative that you fix everything.
It’s not imperative that you control everything.
It’s not imperative that you point out the flaws and defects in everything.
It’s not imperative that you vet everything before it gets out.
Once you understand this, you will be surprised by how things still happen, with good results, without you being there to take credit.
It’s empowering.
It’s liberating.
When you seek someone to blame, things to improve, new ways to get ahead, always start from yourself.
Not because you are not good enough, but because that’s easier to control. A new habit is possible. A change of mind is possible. An additional piece of knowledge is possible.
It’s much more complex when you start pointing fingers. You might be right and perhaps others are not doing their part, the environment is not ideal, the tools you were given are suboptimal.
Yet, things will not change just because you are right.
You can, instead.
Overpromising is bad not because you are going to disappoint others but because you are setting yourself up for failure.
Make the selfish decision to only promise what you can actually do.
It’s the kind of selfishness that benefits everybody.
Many have problems coming to terms with the idea that they do not understand (something).
Even more panic at the mere thought of going in front of an audience – no matter how small, let’s say a team meeting – and admit that they do not understand (something).
If you hide your lack of understanding, you miss the opportunity to actually understand. It seems silly to just say that. But when you leave that meeting without asking the question needed to clarify the thing that is not clear, clarity will not come later on, as some sort of enlightenment. Instead, the opposite will happen. The lack of clarity and understanding will compound. That will mean an increasing feeling of being lost. For you, and also for those you might be asked to explain that very same thing to.
For years, I have seen my lack of technical knowledge in a technology-first world as a bug. Then I realized that it’s actually a feature. It’s what enables me to ask question after question. Until I get it. Until it is so clear that I can actually go and write some copy or message that makes it clear for everyone else.
And since this is not about me, I guess the point of all this is: that thing you regard as a defect, that part of you that you tend to hide, that characteristic that you feel ashamed of.
Is it a bug or a feature?
You've got this 