Tag: relationships

Real problem

FabrizioLeave a comment

The problem is not that people will stop relying on you because you rarely deliver on your promises.

The problem is not that your productivity is going to decrease because you are juggling too many things.

The problem is not that your dear ones will no longer seek out your company and your help because you are never truly there.

When you do not put boundaries, when you equate busyness with status, when you take the shortcut of being on top of it all, the real problem is that you have lost sight of what is important to you.

And if you have lost that, how are you going to achieve it?

Not going to want to change

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you tell somebody they are stupid, they are not going to want to change.

If you make fun of their theories, point to their inconsistencies, denigrate their capacity for solid thinking, they are not going to want to change.

If all you give them is your version, for as much as sense as it makes, they are not going to want to change.

If you show them a world they cannot be part of, they are not going to want to change.

All of this can win a quick laugh and some superficial bond with those who think like you.

It’s not going to make things change, though.

Two lines

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There are always two lines. The one that got us here, and the one that will take us further ahead.

We tend to think less about the former and more about the latter. The future is always front and center: it’s the place of dreams, of ambitions, of possibilities. But it is also the place where something is always missing, as nobody looks at tomorrow saying: I want it to be just like today.

Being able to appreciate the past, to grasp the progress, to find the foundations, is just as important as having a strong purpose. It actually helps to shape a more solid purpose.

The two lines are not in competition, you don’t have to choose one over the other.

You have to find the right balance.

Humane

FabrizioLeave a comment

If presented with the possibility, would you share the highest reward with your fiercest competitor? Would you be fine with going down in history together with them? Or would you just try a bit harder, a bit further, to be the only winner?

Too often we see competition as a zero-sum game, a clear winner and loser is a must. But what occurred in the high jump points to something far greater. As we outlined in Peak Performance*, if we can put our ego aside, we actually free ourselves up to perform to our best ability. Our ego often pushes us to perform out of a place of fear, of needing to show the world that I’m good enough. When we can let go of that noise, and realize that competition is about getting the most out of ourselves, we can fulfill our potential.

Brad Stulberg, Competing with instead of always against

* My notes on Peak Performance.

Shared way

FabrizioLeave a comment

Doing work in a group also means acknowledging that different people have different ways to react to and express anxiety, stress, fear.

Most groups respond to the attitude of the person in power, and the person in power wants to get out of the unpleasant situation as soon as possible: more control, more direction, more drama. This often means everyone hides and looks for ways to stay afloat.

Successful groups manage to talk. To air their feelings and find a shared way forward. To take the differences and dig value from them. To step into the unknown together, at the same time.