Tag: relationships

Influence

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Influence has a bad reputation.

We think of influence as something that is done to people, to us. We do not like the idea of having our thoughts magically changed, and so we do not like those who try to change them nor the act itself. To be fair, influence has been used by people to impose their view on others for quite some time, so no wonder we get defensive any time someone even just mentions the word.

What if, instead, influence would be an act of empathy?

If you really want to change someone’s mind on a moral or political matter, you’ll need to see things from that person’s angle as well as your own. And if you do truly see it the other person’s way – deeply and intuitively – you might even find your own mind opening in response.

Jonathan Haidt, The Rigtheous Mind

We have lost

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It’s not for us to judge what others do.

There are systems in place for that, and as individuals and human beings, we should not feel entitled to decide if other people’s behaviour is right or wrong.

Today we are given the illusion that we have this right, that it is necessary for us to let everybody know what we think about this or that event.

We have lost the capability to use others’ actions for self-reflection (and betterment), and we just cherry pick facts and happenings that confirm to ourselves and the world we are already better, smarter, braver, fairer.

We have lost the empathy to understand others behave like they do not because they are mean, devious, malicious, but just because they are facing our very same challenges, trying to make sense of a life that does not help them in the effort.

We have lost the courage necessary to look within ourselves first, to sit in front of a mirror and think about who we are and who we are not, the things we like and we want more of, the things we dislike and we want less of, and we drown in a continuous flow of superficial interactions that end up being shouts in the dark.

We have lost, and we are losing every day the sense of perspective, of what is important, of why should I care, or what is my role in all this.

We have lost, but we can take all of this back. It’s a choice we make every day.

People is our most important asset

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For founders and start-ups managers, here is a list of things that’s beyond what you should expect of your employees.

Being loyal to your cause.

Being as excited about your cause as you are.

Doing extra work without being paid.

Doing basic work without being paid (fairly).

Being self-motivated.

Doing work without recognition.

Doing work that is beyond the job description you’ve hired them for, or the title you have given them.

Putting up with your lack of vision, planning, communication, transparency.

Participating in every after-work activity for team building.

Interpreting uncertainty and change as a free pass for mean managerial behaviour.

Agreeing to the fact that your busyness is more important than their busyness.

Finding answers to questions you don’t even ask.

Carving their way into career development.

Learning by themselves.

Accept that somebody with more experience will come in at some point and start telling them what to do.

If people is really your most important asset, you could start by having a honest look at this list. Leave your excuses on the side for a moment, and mark the items on which you are failing your employees. Ask how you can do better. And then do it.

Stumbling on the funnel

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Not everyone is interested in what you have to sell. Not all those who are going to enter your shop will end up paying for something. Not all those who click on a banner are manifesting an interest in buying. Not all those who ask a question, or many questions, have their wallets open, waiting for the correct answer.

We all take actions without a reason, or at least without a clear enough reason, and so we should not punish those who stumble upon our pipeline or enter the funnel only to dream a bit bigger (or a bit smaller) for once.

Understanding your customers also means identifying those who are going to buy and those who are not. Too often we believe that the latter have just misunderstood, or have received not good enough service, or were misguided by the wrong button in the wrong banner in the wrong place.

It might be, sure, and yet it’s much more likely that they simply don’t want to buy.

And we should let them go.

Balancing act

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There are two key challenges to the work of leaders. Two extremes you’ll constantly have to struggle balancing.

On one side, you have the difficult task of letting go, delegating, leaving space to others. On the other, you have the need to maintain a level of involvement and commitment, showing you care and you are actively thinking on how to empower others to drive things forward.

It is a common misunderstanding of those promoting hands-off leadership that leaders should be quiet and almost invisible. If that’s the case, the next question they’d have to answer would be: “do you even care?”.