Tag: relationships

Identity

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There will always be two ways to build an identity.

The first one is founded on differences and contrasts.

We are different (from them).
Our team is the best performing in the company.
They do not care as much as we do.
When I see them, it makes me want to give my best to beat them.

The second one is founded on unity and commonalities.

We all work to have long lasting impact.
Our teams share the values of transparency and hard work.
We are in this together.
Our organisation wants to be a place in which people of different background can express their best work.

Which one you pick is an active choice, one that needs to be reaffirmed over time, one that you need to be aware of in the first place. So often we slip onto the first option simply because it is the easiest to put into practice. Be intentional.

Intentional

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It’s quite challenging to appreciate the impact of our actions on others. Mainly because it takes time to manifest, and we are often too focused on what is happening in the moment.

But on the other end, it is delusional to believe that our actions have no impact. We do not operate in a vacuum, and when we say something, behave in a certain way, choose one option over another, people around us will make a mental note and work on some type of reaction.

The more intentional you are about what you choose to do (and not to do), the more likely the influence on others will be the one you want to have. Unsurprisingly, it all start with awareness.

A road way longer

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When we set our mind onto something, it is particularly challenging to accept we might have to wait and bleed to get it done.

We see it so vividly in our mind, we know that it would be a great thing, we can’t wait for others to see its benefits as well, and we are sure that the best way is to actually just let us go ahead however we prefer. No restraints, no questions, no doubts.

Of course, ideas are easy while execution is when stuff gets real. I wonder if it is perhaps our fear of failing that makes us so convinced what we want to do is the greatest thing ever thought. This way it is much easier to simply give up, blame the others and a challenging work environment, simply continue coming up with new ways to not commit.

Doing requires consistency.

It also means taking a road way longer than the one you had imagined. As we walk it, we just have to make sure we are in a mindset that adds rather than one that subtracts. It is a challenging act of balance, and the only way to end with something more than when you started (versus nothing at all).

Selfish and harmful

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For a very long time, when somebody would pay me a compliment I was going to diminish it.

Either I was going to switch the attention on the indefinite number of things that were still far from worthy of a compliment (in my work, in my deliverables, in myself, in the world), or I was just going to play down the importance of what I did with reference to the bigger picture (this is not going to help us achieve what we want anyway!).

Somehow, I now realize this is a selfish and harmful thing to do.

It does not give resolution to the person paying the compliment, therefore fostering a culture that is not incline to doing so. And it tends to increase self-expectations, setting yourself up for continuous disappointment.

“Thank you!” is a great way to reply to a compliment.

There will always be ample time later to think about what is still missing and to consider the value of the compliment for your broader story.

Giving time

Fabrizio1 Comment

Donating to charities or impactful causes might not be for everyone, but there’s a very accessible way to give that we can all practice regularly.

Giving time.

Giving time is personal, important, empathetic and transformational. No matter how busy we are, we can always find time to give. Either by mentoring, by coaching, by listening, by sharing our experience with those who have a different one, by merely being totally present.

There’s no training needed in giving time, you can start as soon as now. And the great thing is, the more you are in a bad place, the better giving time will make you feel.

[…] instead of moving away from your work when burnout strikes, you may actually need to move closer to it, albeit in a different manner. That different manner is “giving back” to your field. This can take many forms, including volunteering and mentoring, but the basic gist is that you should focus on helping others.

Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness, Peak Performance