Tag: relationships

In distress

FabrizioLeave a comment

When others are not at their best, we unconsciously start a balancing act between our best self and our lazy self.

What can I do to help? is a question that comes from our best self. We feel for the other person and we want to see if there’s a way for us to help them get back on track.

Of course, the answer to that question is often vague or undefined. People who are not at their best tend not to know what they need. And that’s when our lazy self kicks in. We quickly fall into old habits, we fail to keep the distress of the other person in mind, and we eventually resorts to habits that make us comfortable and safe. Our lazy self will always end up helping ourselves.

When others are not at their best, skip that question, even if well intended. Instead, keep the fact top of mind, and avoid asking the other person a favor, don’t put additional stress on them, forget about a rule or a habit that might be making their life more complex, praise them more often and say thank you to them at any possible occasion, bring them or buy them food, invite them out for a coffee or a tea, make them feel heard and listened to.

It’s a lot of hard work, but that’s how you make your best self prevail in these delicate circumstances.

Very rarely

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We want things to get better, but they very rarely do.

We want relationships to improve, but they very rarely do.

We want somebody to acknowledge our talent, but they very rarely do.

We want situations to change, but they very rarely do.

We want people to seek us out and shine in our presence, but they very rarely do.

They very rarely do. And they will absolutely never do if we expect change to happen on its own.

Communication tools

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It’s all great that companies have so many ways to communicate, share information, ask and answer questions nowadays. But as it’s often the case, new tools don’t fix old issues.

Like assuming that communication happened just because you have communicated something.

Like expecting an immediate answer to trivial or unimportant questions to placate your anxiety.

Like spreading information left and right with the hope that those who need it will get it and absorb it, while others will forget about it.

Communication is a skill and it needs old-fashioned training, not new tools.

The darkest hour

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Even in the darkest hour, there are things that keep you going.

Things that give you energy, that make you want to continue to try, that help you to not give up.

Even in the darkest hour, we need to be able to appreciate those things, name them, doble down on them.

That’s how we make the darkest hour a little less dark.

Making sense

FabrizioLeave a comment

It doesn’t make any sense.

But seeking sense in what happens around us is a pointless exercise. It means you are trying to explain with reason something that goes beyond it. Feelings, moments, circumstances, relationships. Seeking sense is a rigid activity that aims at fitting the world into familiar boxes.

A better thing to try is seeking purpose. Purpose is the way you connect the dots. It is loose by nature, and it adapts to time and events. Seeking purpose is a flexible activity that aims at shaping your story into the world around you.