Not listening is not only ignoring.
It is also finding weak reasons to continue on the path that is less risky, motivating the current situation with urgency, hiding behind busyness, coming up with own ways to define reality, diminishing the arguments of others, expressing agreement with words and not follow up with actions.
And most of all, it is about talking.
When things do not go as planned, and you have to break the news to those who have helped, to those who have offered their ideas, their energy, their work, there is one thing that can make it worse.
Blaming the change of plan to others.
Of course, it works in the moment. It pushes away the shame for the loss, the difficult conversation, the necessary argument.
But as you regroup and start delivering against the new plan, no one will feel committed.
Find a reason to believe in instead, and motivate the changes with passion. Even when it was not you making the call, especially when it was not you making the call. Nobody likes change, but everyone is willing to accept it, if it makes sense.
Long term is always more important than short term. That is the distinctive sign of leadership.
Scoring a point, winning an argument, having it your way.
They might all seem like great things, except the damages they make are often greater than the satisfaction they bring.
If you find this difficult to grasp, think back at the last time you failed to score a point, you lost an argument, you did not have it your way.
What you felt back then is the same your counterpart is feeling today. And you know for a fact, it is not a feeling that it is easy to shake off, not a sentiment on which it is possible to build a strong relationship.
And so I guess the question would be: is it worth it?
When you start thinking that somebody has done something to hurt you, offend you or cut you off, do two things.
Take a break.
Reach out and have a conversation.
A meeting is a drain of time, focus and flow. And it compounds the more people are involved.
So, if you are going to have a meeting, make it worth it. Have an agenda, a clear one, even if it is just a sync. Stay on topic. Never go around the (virtual) table to fish for topics, but by all means poke those who speak less and make sure they get a chance to express their opinion. Get to action points in proper time, write them down, and circulate them after the meeting is done. If you have called the meeting, or are in a leadership potion, do a lot of listening and very little talking. And finish earlier.
If you are finding yourself breaking these basics more than once for a particular meeting, the people invited to the meeting are better off if the meeting is removed from their calendars.
They certainly have something better to do.
P.S.: I wrote about meetings a while back also. The rules set out there are still valid for the most part.
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