Tag: feedback

The lives of others

FabrizioLeave a comment

We are experts on how to live the lives of others.

We know exactly what others should do, say, wear. We know how they feel and what motivates them. We tackle their problems better than if they were our own. We plan, argue, debate for them. We know everything, we hear everything, we understand everything.

And when it is our turn, we are stuck.

We are wonderful spectators and mediocre actors.

Because being under the spotlight is never easy. It is not for us – and indeed, we come up with many excuses when that happens -, it is not for those around us.

Start here to develop empathy.

Start here to get going.

Criticism

FabrizioLeave a comment

What you do is always going to be met with criticism.

Not everybody is going to like it, not everybody is going to agree with it, not everybody is going to want to hear, read, listen more.

The way you approach this basic fact is going to determine how much you are going to achieve. Make it a focus, try to change minds, invest in proving them wrong, and you will be depleted in no time. Take it as an assumption, filter what can help you, muscle through the rest, and you’ll have a real shot at unleashing your potential.

You are not here to please everybody.

Crisis

Fabrizio1 Comment

When crisis hits, make sure you have an answer to these three questions and share that with all those involved.

Who is in charge? This is about establishing who has the responsibility to take us out of the crisis. It does not mean they will do everything, make all decisions, come up with all ideas. It means they are in charge.

How often will people hear from who is in charge? Make a calendar, ensure communication is constant, better if it happens every week, at the same time, on the same channel. If there’s nothing new, share there is nothing new and take the chance to gather thoughts, feelings, ideas, opinions.

What is expected of people involved? This is arguably the most difficult, because asking us to wait is not really an option. Establish clear roles to enable change, make us feel that we are part of the solution, give us a specific purpose. Tell us we matter with facts.

If you tackle the crisis before having answers to these three questions, your efforts will probably do more damage than good.

All good

FabrizioLeave a comment

When we ask “how are you?”, let’s sit down and take in the full answer.

I am fine, I wish I had more time to dedicate to this project.

I am alright, unfortunately I was not accepted for that online programme.

I am well, thanks, there has been a bit of a misunderstanding with my colleague, but I am well nonetheless.

We often rush to labelling our exchanges as “all good”, and we fail to grasp the issues we might want to act upon. And then we are surprised when the minor crack turns out to be a foundation problem. We withdraw – they said they were fine, how could they lie to us? – and we make the whole situation irreparable.

Forget the first part of the answer, hand in there until the honest reality kicks in, and tackle that head-on.

How could you make more time for the project?

How can I support you in your learning and development?

What happened, and what can I do to facilitate a conversation between you too?

That’s the way to be taken seriously, to build a relationship, and to maintain the people around you engaged and motivated.

In or out

FabrizioLeave a comment

You are free to set some rules, to decide where the boundaries are, and what game you are playing. Actually, it is your responsibility. You should do that.

And once that is done, the next step is for you to figure out who is in and who is out, and for others to figure whether they are in or out.

You can’t be everything to everybody.

Take ownership of the process.