New things

The worst way you can welcome a new thing a colleague has worked on – something that fills a gap, something that was needed and was not there – is to say: “Can you also do this?”.

Of course, it’s imperfect. It’s the first time you have that.

Of course, you have ideas and opinions. You were given time to think about it.

Of course, it will get better. That’s probably also why they have shared it.

“Can you also do this?” is the surest way to have the colleague stop working on it. Welcome the novelty instead, the initiative, the boldness. And give the new thing time to develop and accept your vision.

Winning mentality

When we lose, it’s easy to play down the whole situation.

It was not so important after all.

Others were lucky.

That single decision was unfair and really cut my chances.

I did not give my best, but if I would have..

The context was heavily against me.

It’s a defence mechanism that puts space between us and the failure so that we don’t feel like such. And it tells of a tendency to see loss as failure.

Of course, if we want to avoid losing more in the future, we’d be better off by owning the loss and trying to see what went wrong. What it is that is under our control and that we can do better.

That’s the sign of a winning mentality.

Opening up

The only way to get people to share their ideas, their thoughts, their feelings, their problems, their feedback, is for you to shut up.

If you keep talking, they will stop thinking. If you interrupt them, they will give up trying. If you go first – particularly if you are in a position of power – they will just repeat what you said.

To get people to open up you have to willing to give them space and just listen.

Confidence

You don’t always have an answer, you don’t always know what to do, you don’t always understand what is happening.

The trick is not to try to fake it. Not to try to escape it.

If you can just stay with the feeling for a while, what you need will come.

Confidence is about being at ease with uncertainty, without wanting to get rid of it at all costs.