Different hows

When we look at others we look at how they behave, how they look, how they interact with others. We often know very little of how they feel, how they think, how they see the world around them.

When we look at ourselves we look at how we feel, how we think, how we see the world around us. We often know very little of how we behave, how we look, how we interact with others.

That’s why every judgement, every comparison, every attempt to explain is unfair and unbalanced. And we need to learn to live with this.

Ground and arms

Change is permanent.

And there are only two things you can do about it.

First, build a solid ground. That would be knowing yourself, your situation, your story, your purpose, your triggers, your strength. A solid ground is what will allow you to not take change personally.

Second, open your arms. That would be listening to others, embracing their fears, helping them with their agendas, navigating the situation together with them, establishing long-term relationships. Open arms is what will allow you to make your solid ground even more solid.

One thing you should never do about change, and that would be trying to control it.

Underestimated

One of the most underestimated skills is the capacity to keep at it even when faced with scarce results.

An even more underestimated skill is the capacity to let go of things you have dedicated time and resources to, once they are no longer beneficial to you and others.

Balance the two and you will own your destiny.

Something you can control

It’s not bad to be told that you’ve done a poor job, that you have played poorly in the last match, that your performance is below the expectations.

It does not have to become a personal affront or a way for you (and others) to determine the quality of your future.

Of course, it hurts. Because you have probably given it your all.

But the direction of the motion that comes out of negative feedback is something you can control.

A close familiarity

Sometimes people fail to succeed because they can’t accept to suck.

If you want to master something, you have to get accustomed to the idea that you are going to suck. You are going to suck at the thing you want to master – for a long time, before you actually master it -, and you are going to suck at most of the other things that you are not interested in mastering. That’s why it’s easier to move from one activity to the next, averaging them all.

Success requires a close familiarity with the idea that you suck.