Tag: failure

When we are afraid

FabrizioLeave a comment

Heights scare me.

It’s a truth I get confirmed every time I stand at more than two metres above the ground. Last week I was on a panoramic tower at an amusement park with my son. I thought I could do it, as it looked safe and was completely closed by one big window. And he really wanted to go. But as soon as we started moving up, I realised it was a bad idea. No way to go back, there were many people with us, and the climb was automatized. As we were sitting there and moving up, I grabbed my son, telling him to stay seated and composed, as moving too much could be dangerous (not true). At some point, I have also put a whole arm across his chest (as a sort of safety belt), and he immediately reacted by removing my arm and asking “daddy, why are you doing this?”.

Why was I doing it?

Of course, I was seeking control. When we are afraid and when things start to slip away, we seek control. We want to make sure that the world is comfortable and predictable, and the way we try to achieve that is by taking control on what we have power on.

It’s a natural reaction, and yet one that has at least a couple of problems.

First, it prevents us from experiencing the situation: I have no memory of what I saw on the tower, no clear idea of what I was feeling and where, and not a single more tool to try to fight the fear should I find myself in the same situation again.

Second, it prevents others around us from experiencing the situation: my son was bothered by my behaviour, he probably enjoyed the ride anyway, but I am not sure he would like to go again with me, and to be honest I cannot blame him.

For as difficult as it is in certain situations, letting go is the best thing one can do in the face of fear. Appreciating the fact that the present moment is scary for you, understanding how it makes you feel, taking a deep breath, and completely taking in what is going on.

Train with small things first, then pass onto the bigger ones. It will be liberating.

Allocating resources

Fabrizio1 Comment

The ability to move past things is a direct measure of future success.

How long will you keep working on that project that has zero evidence of success potential? How long will you continue with the same strategy when everything around is telling you it’s wrong? How many excuses will you come up with to motivate keeping in the team a person who is no longer the right fit? How far will you push your regret for that promotion you have not been granted against everyone’s expectations? How much is the last big failure going to impact the way you approach your next responsibility?

We have the impression that by sticking to things, plans, ideas, people we commit to them, and if we do that long enough, we will make them better. More often, that is just an excuse, an easy way to hide behind the power of sunk costs and limited possibilities.

Once you have determined that you’ve given the situation your 100%, and yet it is still not working, move past that. It’s not being cold and heartless, it’s not jumping from one opportunity to the next, it’s not a selfish act. It’s allocating the limited resources you have at your disposal at any given time. When you do that by focusing mostly on the past, chances are the future will look grim.

Culture with examples

Fabrizio8 Comments

More often than not, company culture is idealized.

A group of managers sit down and write about their ideal company. And of course, everybody wants an honest working environment where feedback is given regularly, it does not matter if they have never delivered honest feedback once in their careers, and the very idea of doing that scares them.

Next time you are having a conversation about culture, think back at what you and your colleagues have done so far. Certainly write down your ideals, but then challenge the group to identify and narrativize some concrete example that embody the ideals.

If finding those is not a problem, you are on the right track. Own the examples and spread them internally and externally, as they will resonate with people far better than words that have been inflated.

If finding examples is proving difficult, that’s the first symptom that your attempt with culture will fail. You can either proceed with a culture change (changing the way things are done), or try to find ideals that better reflect what is really happening (and for which you have good examples).

When asking for help

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you ask for help, the worst thing that could happen is that the person or the group you are asking to will not be receptive and you will not get any help. Your situation does not really get any worse.

It’s the same as having money to invest with only the potential gain to risk. Worst case scenario, you walk with your initial sum.

We often avoid asking for help for the fear of being judged, of letting others know we do not know, of feeling inferior and not being able to give back. And yet the benefit is so vast we should not think twice.

Also, it’s a powerful way to build networks.

Worrying

Fabrizio1 Comment

Worrying never helped one bit.

It does not make people feel better, it does not give the object of worrying a clearer shape, it does not move towards a solution.

Worrying is an easy shelter. When we say we worry about something, we take a distance from that thing, we see it from afar and hope we never get there.

What we would really need, instead, is to immerse ourselves in it, dissect it and see how it looks like. See if anything can be done about it, then act, and move on. Leaving behind all that is beyond our control.

Truth is, worrying is comforting. It takes courage to move past it.