Tag: failure

Tension breaks down

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You are never the best judge of your own work. You cannot be.

Sometimes it is because of sunk costs, other times because of laziness, more often than not simply because your perspective is narrow, as it takes an incredible effort to see the world as others might. And so, we are often in tension between judging our work too harshly or too softly. Either way, it is never an appropriate measure for how we are doing.

This is valid also for groups. Going beyond the boundaries of what is known, liked, achieved is extremely difficult. Sometimes, we can mitigate this with diversity, and we should certainly try. But in the long term, a group will always appreciate their work with some degree of distortion.

Of course, this should not stop us from doing the work. Actually, it is an additional reason to put our work out there as soon as we deem it good enough. To see if there’s a fit, if it resonates, if it works, if it can spread. And if the answer is no, go back and repeat.

What we should never do, on the other hand, is protect the work from others, from feedback, from criticism, from admiration. We should not become executors that see a delivery (or a missed one) as the final stage. What we should never do is give that tension too much power, because eventually tension breaks down. You might be too far, too lost, too blind by that time to get back on track.

Primal instinct

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Some crises are ok to be handled quickly and instinctively. A central brain takes control, and gives instructions to the rest of the body on what to do.

If the building is on fire, an alarm will ring to tell everyone to get out.

If a person points a gun at you, you take cover.

If you see a red traffic light, you stop.

If the boat is sinking, the personnel takes the lead and everyone follows.

If the deadline is tomorrow, you stick to the plan somebody else might have drafted.

Most of the crises we meet day after day, though, are not really this kind of crises. They involve multiple people, they feature moving pieces, feelings, and opinions, they depend on personal preferences and environmental circumstances.

They are complex.

Of course, we still want to react quickly and instinctively. We want to take control and centralize decision-making, pass on instructions (to ourselves and others), and make the crisis go away. We do want that so much, that often we frame as “crisis” even fairly normal situations, just so that we can avoid thinking and start (re)acting.

That’s seldom the best thing to do.

Most crises and difficulties are actually the right moment to open up.

To ask questions, explore possibilities, hear what others would do or have done in similar circumstances, try something and possibly change direction if it’s not working, make mistakes and learn.

By all means, a decision will have to eventually be taken, and actions will have to follow. But to overcome the first, ready-made decision the brain is offering, you’ll have to be as open as you possibly can.

So, if your marketing campaign is not working, if sales are stagnating, if your product gets more negative than positive feedback, if customer service cannot keep up, if a team member is unhappy, if you did not get the funding you were expecting.

Move past your primal instict.

A step back

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The fact you do not have all the necessary skills to do something you have been chosen to do can be a reason why, for a certain period, you cannot perform at your best.

But you have to make sure it does not turn into an excuse.

Being chosen is a responsibility, and you have to own it. It’s ok to leap towards something you are not perfectly confident about, that’s actually the very same idea behind leaping. Then, you have to consciously make the effort to fill the gap. So that, when you look back, the leap does not look as scary as it once did.

If for a long time you find yourself in a position for which you cannot fulfill all the duties, that makes you feel uncomfortable, for which others are demanding things you are not equipped to deliver, it is ok to take a step back.

Even if the one who chose you did not notice.

Especially if the one who chose you did not notice.

Not the only one

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You are not the only one who had a bad day.

Not the only one who’s been rejected, just when they thought this was the right time.

Not the only one whose heart beats when they are about to leap.

Not the only one who needs to juggle many things just to keep the boat afloat.

Not the only one who had a great idea that’s been stifled by bureaucracy and resistance.

Not the only one who’s losing the motivation and barely does their job.

Not the only one who’d wish they’d be loved more, appreciated more, thanked more.

Not the only one who chokes when all the eyes turns to them.

Not the only one who’s already behind on their new year’s resolutions.

Not the only one who’s never gonna write that book.

That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t hurt.

It just means you are not alone.

Stuck in the gap

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Each one of us lives a double life.

One is who we would like to be, the story we tell ourselves (and others), the person we look up to, the one we would like to eventually become.

One is who we are in the moment, the difficulties and the frustrations, the temptations and the shiny objects, the good deeds and the not so good ones, the day after day.

Most of us are stuck in the gap. We despair because we are not who we want to be and then we fail to appreciate what happens here and now.

There’s a few things that could perhaps help get a move from that place.

Begin with keeping your ideal self consistent over time. It’s easier to hit a fixed target than a moving one.

Consider the moment as an opportunity to act against your ideal self. Keep the distance between the two to a minimum.

Remember that your ideal self is, well, ideal. Just because you lose your temper does not mean you are a bad person. Just because you did not get that job does not mean you are worthless. Just because you have failed, does not mean you are a failure.

Most importantly, make time in your life to think about this. Get conscious about where you are and where you want to go, or all the rest will be helpless.