We navigate most conversations with the following question in mind.
What can I say so that the other will like me?
And even when we interpret the other’s will perfectly, we never leave the conversation with a feeling of satisfaction and achievement.
We should instead head into the conversation with an answer to the following question.
What can I say so that, at the end, I will give myself a high five?
Feedback is such a popular topic nowadays that managers are pretty much forced to give some.
And so, they resort to “good job!” – or the equivalent “great job!”, “terrific!”, “fantastic work!”.
If you are getting that, take the time to make your manager’s life a bit more challenging. No need to worry, you are just asking them to do their job.
Ask them.
What did you find good in what I did?
What do you think could have been better?
How would you have managed that situation?
How does this relate to our high level goal?
Where do I grow from here?
Looking at things from another person’s perspective does not mean you are giving up. It does not mean you are wrong. It does not mean you agree with them. It does not mean that you are going to change your mind.
It merely means that you are open to accept that the other person is living through different circumstances, has a different set of prioritites, has different feelings, fears, and thoughts. It means you are ready to appreciate how variegated human behaviour can be. And it means that you care.
It’s not a loss. It’s the first step towards building empathy.
You can’t just let disengagement be. You have to manage it.
It’s easy to manage motivated people, people you like to work with, people who are talented and constantly deliver good work. It’s more challenging to manage those who are disillusioned, who have have little ambition and feel out of place, who end up meeting all requests with silence and a nod.
And you can’t just let them be. Because disengagement spreads and it touches everyone it meets.
It’s likely that disengaged people will end up leaving. It’s your responsibility to manage the transition. To ensure they get the best deal out of it. And to ensure that they don’t leave disengagement behind.
It’s not you vs your boss, your colleague, your partner, your friend, your child.
It’s not us vs the bigots, the social media, the conservatives, the progressives.
We suffer as they suffer. You feel as they feel. I act as you act.
Life is not a dichotomy and you are very rarely required to take sides.
It’s in the shades that we meet and thrive.
You've got this 