Tag: empathy

Reflection and learning

Fabrizio1 Comment

Every ending is a new beginning.

But of course, we need to be able to appreciate the ending. To grieve. To be mad, frustrated, disappointed, sad. To stay with the negative for some time and let others know that we suffer because of the ending.

Then, we can start thinking about what “new” looks like. Because often, continuing on the same path, going back exactly where the ending broke the path, is not the best way to look for a beginning.

Every ending is a new beginning.

Let’s not use that anymore as a band aid on top of a wound, but as a process of reflection and learning.

Humiliation

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Rejection does not have to go hand in hand with humiliation.

No matter how frustrated we are for the situation, no matter how much we have pondered and considered and reviewed, no matter how much time we have lost. In the moment when we deliver a decision of rejection, history is meaningless, and all that matters is helping the person we reject to maintain their face and rebuild their confidence, so that they can move on and do fantastic things.

In fact, rejection is more easily accepted when it does not come with humiliation attached to it.

The wrong thing

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We all feel fear.

Fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of not being useful enough, fear of being let go, fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, fear of no progress, fear of judgement, fear of failure. And probably, a thousand other fears.

We all feel that. We do.

And the problem is when that fear begins to drive action.

Failing to disclose something important during the hiring process because we might get rejected.

Telling a seemingly unimportant lie to ensure we can hide for a little longer.

Putting others down to allow our work to shine.

Turning a blind eye on a detail so that we can continue uncontested.

There is nothing more natural than fear. Embrace it rather than reject it. And make sure that, despite the fear, you will still do the right thing.

The lock and the key

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First, you need to figure out what story you have to tell.

Second, you need to figure out who might be interested in the story you have to tell.

Third, you have to tell the story.

One and two might be interchangeable, and actually it is generally a good idea to search for a lock and then fashion a key.

But the problem is that most just go with three.

The effect of time

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Healing takes time.

You won’t probably feel much better after a pill, a visit to the doctor, a massage, a session with a therapist. But with time, those things will have an effect.

You have to give healing time. Even when it seems like you don’t have any.