The disappointment you felt when they told you there was no promotion for you in the near future.

The anger at your boss, for not acknowledging the effort you put into the project they are getting praises for.

That argument about who was supposed to do that thing nobody wants to do.

The feeling your job is never going to be good enough, no matter how hard you try.

All these things, and many more, they are not born in the moment, as a sudden reaction to a single event. They have deep roots.

They are the product of previous experiences, of your childhood, of how your parents used to talk (or not talk) to you, of the many relationships you’ve had so far, of the thoughts you used to have when you were a kid, alone in your bedroom, before falling asleep.

They are incremental. They tend to repeat themselves, sometimes in slightly different ways, and to accumulate. Up until the point you are unable to experience much more else.

And so, the only thing you can do about it is to conquer them. Own them.

“I have stakes in this”, “I care”, ” I might feel as I did when..”. These are great starting points.

Do not hide them, repress them, push them down.

Find them, name them, remind them.

You might not be able to do this on your own. That’s fine.