Tag: communication

Opposition

FabrizioLeave a comment

We often find meaning and identity in opposition.

Groups get stronger when they are attacked. Their members feel closer to each other when there is a stranger around, and they find agreement when the topic is a different group.

And the more we are weak, the more this happens with intensity and fervour. The less we know about ourselves, the more we seek in others.

It is only when we accept that every one, every group, every community has their strengths and weakness, their leaders and followers, their lights and shadows. It is only then, when we raise, that we can really find who we are, what we stand for, and where we call home.

The helper

Fabrizio2 Comments

You can’t fight fear.

You cannot pretend it is not there, you cannot walk past it, turn a blind eye to it, give it another name, a different guise, a more appealing shape.

You can’t run from it, outpace it, hide in the shadow of your strenghts and possessions. That is where fear will eventually find you.

You also can’t stop and stand in front of fear. You can’t circle around it, spiral inside of it, let fear feel you are close. That is what fear craves the most.

What you can do, then, is look fear in the eyes.

Get to know it well, hold its hand, and take it with you on your journey.

You can’t fight fear, because fear is not the enemy.

Fear is just the helper.

Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true:
That even as we grieved, we grew.
That even as we hurt, we hoped.
That even as we tired, we tried.
That we’ll forever be tied together, victorious.
Not because we will never again know defeat, but because we will never again sow division.

Amanda Gorman, The Hill We Climb.

Beg, demand, or sell

FabrizioLeave a comment

When you ask for something, there are three way to go about that.

You can beg, and that is moved by fear. Fear of missing a deadline, of losing your job, of being misrepresented, of being misunderstood, of failing, of making mistakes.

You can demand, and that is moved by power. Power is fluid, and so even when you are not in a position of power, you can still act assertively, pretending things get done your way.

You can sell, and that is moved by connection. You have something to give, you have something to take. You know when it is time to let go, and what drives you is understanding how to get to a situation where both parties win.

Outbursts

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you can delay your actions for just a few minutes, hold off your come back until the next break, take a couple of deep breaths, put the computer aside late in the afternoon and sleep on the issue.

Then you will find yourself focusing on the content rather than the emotion.

And when you do that, you will realize that people respond to content remarks much better than to emotional outbursts.

Someone has modified your work without letting you know. Emotional outburst: that is unacceptable. Content remark: I like this and that, I preferred the previous version here and there.

A colleague has sent you a demanding email that overwhelms you with requests. Emotional outburst: I am busy, I cannot do any of this. Content remark: I am working on a project, and I can help with this and that.

Your manager has mentioned your role is going to change focus in the coming months. Emotional outburst: here we go again, it seems every time I get good at something you raise the bar for me. Content remark: I see why this happens, and I am confident I can do this and that, while perhaps we might want to hire somebody to take care of the other aspect.

Emotions are important. They tell us what we care about, what triggers us, what makes us uncomfortable, what we can and cannot accept. Where we draw the line.

Yet, when we act out of emotions, we lose opportunities to make the change we want to see.

Focusing on content is something we can all get better at.

My door is always open

Fabrizio2 Comments

If your door is always open, you should go out in the world and see what’s going on.

Way to often the open door is a lazy excuse. Sure, come to me with your questions, doubts, concerns, just don’t expect me to ask first. Because, well, you do not care.

We keep reading of how change is difficult, of how important it is to communicate, of how keeping people involved is critical to its success.

Is then my door is always open the best we can resort to?

If you care, actively ask, seek input, practice empathy, pretend candour.

If you have it all figured out instead, keep leaving your door open. No one will bother your certainty.