Category: self-help

From a good place

FabrizioLeave a comment

You can be vulnerable by sharing your negative feelings, and you can be vulnerable by sharing the positive ones as well.

Tell that you feel happy, accomplished, in love, serene, successful, at peace, lucky, grateful, loved, accepted, at ease. You will be more exposed than you have ever been, and still be in a state of mind that will help you deal with the exposure and familiarize with it.

Training to be more vulnerable does not have to start from your deepest and darkest emotions. Go from a good place instead. It’s not necessarily easier, surely quite as effective.

Little control

FabrizioLeave a comment

You have little control on the lives of others.

The way they act, what they feel, how they behave. What they are going to do. Whether they are happy or sad. Whether they are decent human beings or treat everyone unfairly. The choices they are going to make. How they are going to react to a bad turn of events. The impact they will have in the world.

The most you can hope for is to show a way. To give kindness and presence. To make mistakes and say you are sorry. To be sad and talk about it. To be happy and share the feeling with those you love. To play, laugh, and support.

At some point, you have to let go. Before that, be the best version of yourself.

Distance and neutrality

FabrizioLeave a comment

Empathy requires distance and neutrality.

It might sound counterintuitive, and still it is an important point.

Only with distance and neutrality you can refrain from judgement and keep the bias for action at bay. Only with distance and neutrality you can avoid being overwhelmed by what the other person is feeling, to the point you might turn into a paladin for their cause (and cut out all the rest).

Empathy is acceptance.

The lives of others

FabrizioLeave a comment

We are experts on how to live the lives of others.

We know exactly what others should do, say, wear. We know how they feel and what motivates them. We tackle their problems better than if they were our own. We plan, argue, debate for them. We know everything, we hear everything, we understand everything.

And when it is our turn, we are stuck.

We are wonderful spectators and mediocre actors.

Because being under the spotlight is never easy. It is not for us – and indeed, we come up with many excuses when that happens -, it is not for those around us.

Start here to develop empathy.

Start here to get going.

Superior

FabrizioLeave a comment

Acting as if you are superior – because you know more, because you are more integrated, because you are more skilled, because you are righteous – will most likely achieve little.

Leveraging your (supposed) superiority to elevate others, on the other hand, has the power to change behavior, improve lives, and spread around you. Of course, the action assumes that you do not feel superior at all. Few have the capabilities to take this stance.