Category: self-help

Strength

FabrizioLeave a comment

Next time, try this.

“I am sorry, my mistake, I could have … . Let’s move on.”

It works beautifully in any situation in which there’s friction. It unlocks empathy (most likely you’ll get a “no worries” from the other side), and it allows the conversation to move forward.

It’s better than blaming the alarm clock, the traffic, the person who’s there to serve, the colleague who’s trying to help, the boss who’s learning the ropes, the partner who’s going through your same difficulties, the bystander who seems to not get it.

And it’s true.

There’s a variety of circumstances that causes what is going to happen. Chances are there’s something you might have done to avoid causing yourself trouble.

Recognising a mistake is not the same as putting an additional burden on your fragile identity. A mistake does not mean you are bad, mean, stupid, malicious. Quite the opposite, in fact. “I am sorry” means you are present enough in the situation to care about taking the next step. It’s about owning what’s happening and being ready to shape it going forward.

“I am sorry” is a strength.

Cut

FabrizioLeave a comment

When you are short on money.

When you are depleted.

When you simply have too much to do.

When there’s an emergency.

When your plans are at risk.

What do you cut?

A couple of things to consider.

Be in a position in which what you cut is up to you, as much as possible. Having somebody or something imposing cuts might well feel as just an additional burden, and you’ll have to cut more very soon. Make it an active decision, fight for it if necessary.

And of course, every cut sends a signal. On what you care about, what you stand for, what is important, the type of culture you want to promote and be part of, the legacy you want to leave behind.

By all means, cut. And do it conscientiously.

Stay present

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you get to a point where you decide to quit, for any reason. Or you are in a situation where you are asked to quit. Or you get rejected over and over again.

What are you going to do?

It’s very natural to want to burn down bridges, move to the mountains, and dedicate the rest of your existence to monastic life. It’s the fetal position that many of us can relate to: we have invested, we have collected less than we believe was due, we feel pain and disappointment, and we want no more of that in our lives.

Yet, after the heat of the moment is gone, the consequences of the choices we have made will stick. If we have shouted, cancelled, smashed, abandoned, insulted, publicly stated that we are done with this and that. All this, will stay.

So, if you quit, are asked to quit, or get rejected. Stay present. It will spare you a lot of time and energy that you can put towards planning and executing what’s next.

Alone

FabrizioLeave a comment

The problem with attacking those who don’t see the world as you do, with fostering an environment where outrage is rewarded, with speaking against those on your side who attempt to be moderate, with listening to others in wait for misstep, with glorifying factions and vilifying commonalities.

The problem with all of this is that soon enough you’ll end up being alone. Because when you are there, it is much easier to extend the behaviour to all those that, sooner or later, will disappoint your perspective rather than revert it to welcome different views down the line.

Even though today it might feel different, even if it might feel there are thousands who are on your side. Are you prepared to be alone tomorrow?

Comfort and necessity

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you treat comfort as if it were necessity, you’ll soon run out of steam in the pursue of it.

Comfort is unlimited, constantly temporary, almost always divisive. It is easy to forget and very difficult to reverse. Not impossible, but if you’ve ever moved from a 100 square metres apartment to a 60 square metres one, you know what I mean.

Necessity, on the other hand, is limited, pretty much stable over time, and unifying. We tend to forget about it, but when we do, necessity stings and we are brought back to reality.

When deciding where to invest your resources, material and not, make sure you understand the difference. Comfort is a mirage, necessity is concrete. Comfort disappoints, necessity empowers. Comfort blinds, necessity grounds.