When something important ends, there are two ways to react.
One is to look within. Figure out why it ended, try and build resilience, be in touch with your own feelings and pain, imagine a way forward.
One is to look outside. Look for distractions, focus on someone or something to blame, numb feelings and pain with temporary rewards, move frantically in the moment.
Most often, the two coexist. But you can’t really move forward until you have spent a good deal of time in the first state.
We are human beings. Not because we merely are, but because we aim at figuring out who we are, what we stand for, what our essence and purpose are.
We are human doings. Not because we are productive, but because we aim at pursuing our essence and purpose.
And we are human connectings. Not because we are around others, but because we aim at spreading our essence and purpose, while at the same time being influenced by others essence and purpose.
One thing is not true without the others.
Winning and (not) losing is the focus for many.
But that doesn’t matter.
What truly matters is:
Wins and losses are outcomes, you can’t control those.
Focus on the input instead.
No surprises there.
One of the things people misunderstand about average is that it is not necessarily stable over time.
Average can scale, it can get things done, it can make a difference in the long term.
It’s just a matter of consistency and perspective.
Knowing yourself – what you stand for, what you want to achieve, how you like things done, what you want to avoid – is important mainly because it saves you from the frustration of not being able to have it all.
You can have control and you can have agility. You can’t have them both.
You can have family time and you can have a glorious career. You can’t have them both.
You can have independence and you can have stability. You can’t have them both.
When you know yourself, you know what matter, and letting go of things is just easier.
Note: of course, there are exceptions. Some people can have one and the other. But exceptions are rare, and betting on them is often conducive to further frustration.
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