How quickly can you get out of an argument?
How quickly can you say, “it does not matter”, and forget about it.
How quickly can you say, “you might be right”, and shift your perspective.
How quickly can you say, “we don’t agree”, and proceed together.
How quickly can you say, “that’s alright”, and put the difference out of your mind.
Just a reminder that no matter how hard you try, you can’t win an argument.
What you want in life is to find those who see where you are going, your potential, your true self.
Many see where you have been, what you did wrong, where you failed, your shortcomings, your missteps, your fragility. You are the first one to see all of that and make it the focus of everything you do.
Someone who can go beyond that and still cheer for you is precious.
For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli’s eyes. And what he saw was…himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love.
John Lindqvist, Let The Right One In
What’s keeping you from achieving more, being more motivated, completing that task or project?
Each one of us will have their own answer, but in an organisation, the most common answer must be meetings.
Meetings without an agenda and a list of actions to follow up with.
Meetings that are updates.
Meetings that should have been an email or a Slack message.
Meetings to give feedback on a piece of work you have never seen before.
Meetings that are workshops that aim at fixing a problem with participants who have no idea what the problem is, let alone the skill set to fix it.
If you are a manager of people, your first responsibility should be to rid their calendars of meetings.
The way people will think of you does not depend on how productive you are, on your job title, on your responsibilities, on how much money you make, on the number of meetings you attend, on how often you share your opinion.
The way people will think of you does depend on how you make them feel when you are around.
How supportive you are.
How helpful you are.
How kind you are.
How listening you are.
How empowering you are.
Our set of values is often completely off the mark.
When others are not at their best, we unconsciously start a balancing act between our best self and our lazy self.
What can I do to help? is a question that comes from our best self. We feel for the other person and we want to see if there’s a way for us to help them get back on track.
Of course, the answer to that question is often vague or undefined. People who are not at their best tend not to know what they need. And that’s when our lazy self kicks in. We quickly fall into old habits, we fail to keep the distress of the other person in mind, and we eventually resorts to habits that make us comfortable and safe. Our lazy self will always end up helping ourselves.
When others are not at their best, skip that question, even if well intended. Instead, keep the fact top of mind, and avoid asking the other person a favor, don’t put additional stress on them, forget about a rule or a habit that might be making their life more complex, praise them more often and say thank you to them at any possible occasion, bring them or buy them food, invite them out for a coffee or a tea, make them feel heard and listened to.
It’s a lot of hard work, but that’s how you make your best self prevail in these delicate circumstances.
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